I've always been the fat one in my family, we're all fat, but I'm the worst, 3 years ago my parents divorced and my mom ledt to live in another city with my siblings, I stayed with my dad to finish high school. I think around that time I consiously started to restrict and hide and lie and cry..

My whole life changed, when i was alone I searched the net for ways to burn cals, to fast, to eat less, to get thin, I used to cry til I fell asleep... But on the other side everyone loved the way I looked, I was a bit more popular, boys liked me, but the weard thing is how much I hated people pointing me out, that's the one thing I couldn't stand, 'cause the reminded me of how fat I WAS, and I didn't even wanted to think about it...

No... the thing I hated the most is that my dad took it as one more thing that proved how much better he was than my mother, as he was the one who had me on diet, he told me a 20 times everyday what not to eat and what to do, of course, he didn't know I barely ate all day, he was happy when at supper I ate only healty food and not too much, of course he didn't know that apart from some fruits that was all I ate in the day. He was my best friend and my worst enemy.

So, after prom I went to live with mom, she was happy to see me looking better, but she did noticed my eating habits, and she told her whole family, so whenever I didn't ate there was someone telling me to EAT. I stopped doing it before the got really suspicious.

I tried to stop counting cals, at the end I gave up trying to eat less, so I ate more, and more, and lost my will to control my life.

Now I'm backa t my dad's, he's been telling me on the phone all year how the minute I get off the plane he's gonna make me loose the weight, and return me to my oldself... how right he is... I'm back.

I wake up at 9am (I'm on summer break)

-10am: I eat all bran and light milk with coffee, light jell-o

-12pm: one fruit, apple normally and light yogurt

-2pm: lunch,can't control it much, but I try to make it as low cal and healty as posible

-5pm: another fruit and a popsicle(30 cals)

-9pm: decaf coffee more cereal.

Tags: 1sr entry, always dramatic
Current Mood: determined